The Carbon Cat

Filter cartridge with carbon torn out

This is a cartridge for a fish filter sitting on my kitchen floor in front of the oven. This is not where I keep the cartridges. I tend to keep them in the filter that is attached to the fish tank. You see, I am very logical.

Boris is not logical, and prefers that the cartridges never stay with the fish tank for more than 10 minutes at a time. He likes to use them as decorations in the kitchen, in the yard, in the bed and behind the door.

Typically, I put a cartridge in the aquarium and go about my business because Max, the goldfish, is not really a conversationalist. On occasion, I hold up pictures of girls trying to be sexy by making duck face or fish face (sucking in their cheeks and sticking out their puckered lips) just to let him know that he is not alone in the world. We laugh and laugh. 

But, I digress. These little cartridges cost around $4 a pop and should last about a month. In my house that is not the case. Even if I wait until Boris falls asleep and silently slide the filter into the tank and tiptoe out of the room, he senses a cartridge has been locked and loaded.

A little downward cat deception before thievery

I come back later to find a puddle of water on top of the lid covering the tank and immediately begin search and rescue efforts. 

If the assault was recent, there is usually a trail of fresh water droplets leading from the tank to wherever the cartridge has been callously disposed of.

If I am lucky the polyester bag containing the bits of carbon is still in one piece and can be washed and put back in the tank. By about Boris’ fourth attempt to save the cartridge from drowning, the carbon is thrown all over the place and the bag is unusable.

I then wait a week to replace it knowing Max will survive and hoping Boris will forget that fish filter cartridges even exist. It never fails,

Boris planning his weekend with fish net and koozie

when I put one in, he finds it. However, in the interim, he steals the fish net and carries it around the house with him.

My working theory is that Boris is on a crusade to save carbon and basically hates fish.

Every Color Deserves a Forever Home

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