Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Black Friday My Way

My Black Friday will begin like that of many other people. The alarm will go off at 4 a.m. urging me to drag my mashed potato and gravy filled body from the comfort of my bed. The difference is that my clock is a cat. Boris begins his day before the sun rises by meowing incessantly in multiple octaves then leaping behind the window blinds followed by a catapult back out landing his 15 pound form onto my shoulder, chest, or back. I usually growl "be quiet" and dramatically throw the covers over my head.
Give the gift of life, it will change yours

Whiskey snores curled up next to me joyfully oblivious that Boris is even alive. The annoying one will keep up with his Mariah Carey vocal skills until I threaten him with stories of cats who live outside and don't get canned food.

When I do finally get out of bed instead of rushing off for a day of standing in line with hundreds of others hoping to get one of three in stock 50 % off iPads or drastically reduced Lady Schick razors, I will spend the day doing Black Friday my way, playing with two black cats.
The best way to spend Black Friday

During this day of shopping frenzy with

Christmas carols blaring, credit card friction burns and people shoving carts where they don't belong, there is gift that will warm your heart for years to come. Many animal shelters and rescue organizations waive or reduce adoption fees the day after Thanksgiving for animals with black fur
Proof that black cats aren't evil

I say put down that best boss coffee mug, toss aside that juicer Aunt Matilda will only use for a week, and for God's sake how many different salt and pepper shakers does your grandmother need. Check in with your local shelter and get in line for a doorbuster that really matters--that of a cage door busting open releasing the purest example you will ever find of unconditional love. Please, adopt don't shop this holiday season.

Psst... If you are going to take part in traditional Black Friday fanfare, Whiskey wants treats and Boris wants toys with feathers, and that the living room be turned into a giant cat tree and condo. He has removed the blinds and clawed his way through the arm of the couch to help with construction.  He is such a giver.

Every Color Deserves a Forever Home
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Thursday, November 19, 2015

Backoff Christmas, Thanksgiving is still Coming

Whiskey speaking for the season, the other one.
Dear retailers, just a little reminder that it is still fall and there is Thanksgiving to be had before even one verse of 12 Days of Christmas crosses anyone's lips.

As a cat, I rather enjoy turkey. I do not care for that mincemeat pie you humans eat at the next holiday--the one in winter. Pssst other cats, it has no meat in it. It is things like this that make felines a superior species. Humans also call things "pairs" when they are singular items such as a pair of scissors, pants, pliers and on it goes. When I say I want a pair of fish, I mean two. Do not try to rip me off. 

Remember these are the beings who gave us animal grouping names such as a wisdom of wombats (cats are wiser), a pack of dogs (please one of them is too much), a company of parrots ( ever try to have a conversation with
Boris depressed over the dismissal of Thanksgiving
a parrot, they say the same thing over and over) a troubling of goldfish (the only troubling thing is when humans put a lid on the fish tank) and a murder of crows (I'd like to murder a few). A group of felines is called a glaring of cats. Okay that one is pretty accurate.

I think my little brother Boris would like to say something about the thankless treatment of Thanksgiving. 

Dear Santa, I want a box of cat nip, some mice

What? Boris you insufferable small-headed little cat. Did you not hear what I just said. 

Oh come on Whiskey the damn hardware store had Christmas decorations up in October. Next year, they will probably be up the day after Easter. That would be ironic, now wouldn't it? I might be little,
Boris defending fall foliage in California
but I too am wise to these humans. They aren't very smart, so you have to keep reminding them of things. I bring a toy mouse into mom's bed every morning to let her know I need more of them. At least 20 in each room of the house. Same with Santa. He is known for being jolly not sharp-witted. You have to give him your list early.

I, Whiskey Pickle Jones, give up. This generation of felines is hopeless. What's next? Opposable thumbs or tail wagging. 

Everyone at Cat Noir CC wishes you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving. 

Mom, Thanksgiving is still a week away.

Let it go Whiskey.

Every Color Deserves a Forever Home

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Work Photo Day Disaster

It was touch and go for a bit this morning, but alas I made it to work despite everything that could go wrong doing just that. Today is picture day at work. I get my picture taken twice a year, one for my press pass and one for the company Christmas card. As of the last two years, when I went to the sheriff’s department for the press pass, I didn’t show up in the photo. Either I am a vampire or something was wrong with their system. But, on to photo number two for the year.

Boris isn't not as stealthy as he thinks he is
Normally I arrive at the office in shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals, but since this Christmas card thing will be going out in droves, I decided to take a little extra time for makeup and all that crap. Naturally, I didn’t want to get out of bed any earlier, so I was jamming.   

I got out of the shower and hear Boris trying to climb through the window blinds, which is a big no-no that I have to say “no-no” to about 30 times a day. In fact I keep a squirt bottle next to my pillow for these occasions. I dart to the blinds without any knowledge that the little fur demon has knocked over the cup of water by my bed. It has a lid, but this is Boris, so a puddle of water is on the wood floor which causes me to careen across stopping only when I slam into the nightstand, which oddly enough sent Boris flying from the blinds.

Up next is face powder, which I open and then promptly drop on the floor, open end down, and poof it is all over the black rug I had just cleaned.

Whiskey in the sink, toothbrush underneath
While I am, trying to pick that up Boris strolls off with the makeup brush and Whiskey jumps in the sink knocking my toothbrush in with him. “Screw it,” I said “I will go sans powder.”

I jump into black pants, a black shirt and red boots, it is after all a Christmas photo. As I said so many sentences ago, I wear sandals all the time, so the shoelaces are a new source of play for Boris. That is 40 joy filled holes I have to lace the string through with a cat attacking every one of them. Yes, I am late by this time and run into the bathroom in my big boots and kick over the cats’ water bowl. 

Finally, I am ready to sneak out the door, I throw a toy for Boris and a treat for Whiskey, so I can escape without them getting out. Upon reaching the gate my mild OCD kicks in, and back I go to peer in the window to see that all the stove knobs are turned off. I didn’t use the stove that morning or the night before because I wasn’t even home, but you never know. 

I make it to the car after saying “off, off, off, off,” (one for each knob) and am ready to zip to the office. I put the car in gear and suddenly it hits me, my computer is still in the house. And, it begins anew.

I just know I forgot to lock my front door.

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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Dia de Los Muertos and Thankful November

Dia de Los Muertos is a holiday celebrating life and honoring the departed.
Well, now that you mention it, I am handsome.
It is a time to welcome the spirits of family members who have died. In my case, that includes the many wonderful pets I have been lucky enough to share my life with. 

Mom, I don't want to dress up. I want to play.
Today is also the start of Thankful November. I am thankful for all the people who have supported Cat Noir CC since it started in late July. We now have more than 300 followers on twitter, more than 200 page likes on facebook.com/CatNoirCC and of course you guys who subscribe to the blog. We are looking for more subscribers because those numbers as well as Facebook's are what helps get the message out to more people. 

If you have a friend who loves cats, please share the blog with them. If you have no friends, I can introduce you to people, but they aren't as cool as cats. 
Whiskey at his finest while clearly doing mind control

This is the first time in my life I have put clothing on a pet, but I couldn't resist. Boris was pretty much a breeze, which is odd since he creates so much havoc with everything else. Whiskey is a large cat with a big head, huge teeth and powerful paws, thus not only do collars and other such things fail to fit him, but it can be a dangerous feat to attempt. Oddly, he was so jealous of Boris and the tie that he walked up, put his paw on the middle of Boris's back and bit him. Then he displayed some other aggressive behavior that is normally reserved for when his little brother is driving him nuts. 

Not wanting to let my  4.0 in psychology go to waste, cat therapy began. I brought the tie over to Whiskey and it fit, better yet, I'm still alive. He wore it until I took it off of him for dinner. My gag reflex doesn't go well with cleaning wet cat food off of ties. 

Whiskey realizing he is wearing a tie.
I must go, another day in the physical world awaits. Boris just came scampering in with his favorite ball that he had taken outside and that is now tangled with rotting leafs. Thankfully he dropped it on my desk right next to the computer. I can take a hint.

"To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die."

~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"

One more of Boris because he is so damn cute