Snail Sex and Marsmallow Worms
It was midnight, after an amazing writers conference, I was exhausted from the heat, the long days, the
nervousness of personal critiques, the overwhelming inspiration from a
faculty of writers that have given us so many great books and movies,
and then I see this thing.
I fed the cats a really late dinner and was
tossing the can in the trash and noticed it just outside my door. At
first, I thought it was the top of one of those green marshmallow candy
canes people that hate you buy at the Dollar Tree and give to you for
Christmas. And then it moved, slowly of course because invertebrates are
sneaky little sonsofbitches. In turn, I moved faster than I thought
possible, because I just know that they can lunge if need be. I don't even have a plant big enough to support the weight of
that thing.
Is this a tomato worm? I grew tomatoes the size of a pencil eraser, how did it get so big. Why was it trying to break into my house? Where the hell is it now?
WTF is with my doorstep and the animal kingdom. There was the snail sex on the doormat that made me feel dirty. Remember snails can mate for several hours, but then go their separate ways, which is hilarious when you think about the painfully slow getaway.
Is one of them left looking longingly over their shell in hopes of a lingering glance and five hours later still staring at the backside of their stranger in the night now only two feet away?
Does this have anything to do with cats? Yes it actually does. One time when I opened my door I saw something that wasn't slimy, didn't have beady eyes nor didn't leave a trail wherever it went, but it was dead, and rather than my toes curling at the site of it, I laughed.
A cat was in the process of trying to adopt me. She kept coming around the house, sitting under my chair when I was reading in the sun, throwing herself at the window screen at night when she wanted in and lying on my pillow next to me when I slept (okay, at that point she clearly owned me.)
One night a neighbor had a bar-be-cue and apparently Splash, as another neighbor had named her, was on the invite list.
When I opened the front door, I looked down to find that she had left me bar-be-cued chicken bones. Most cats leave a rodent, a bird, a lizard or whatever creature they kill as a gift, a sign of love, only one of my cats would bring leftovers from a picnic.
Miss you and love you Splash.Whiskey sends his love to you Over the Rainbow Bridge. He has never cuddled with another cat since you passed. You were his hero.
 |
| Gigantic green thing outside my door waiting to lunge. |
Is this a tomato worm? I grew tomatoes the size of a pencil eraser, how did it get so big. Why was it trying to break into my house? Where the hell is it now?
 |
| Doing it snail style on my doormat. |
WTF is with my doorstep and the animal kingdom. There was the snail sex on the doormat that made me feel dirty. Remember snails can mate for several hours, but then go their separate ways, which is hilarious when you think about the painfully slow getaway.
Is one of them left looking longingly over their shell in hopes of a lingering glance and five hours later still staring at the backside of their stranger in the night now only two feet away?
Does this have anything to do with cats? Yes it actually does. One time when I opened my door I saw something that wasn't slimy, didn't have beady eyes nor didn't leave a trail wherever it went, but it was dead, and rather than my toes curling at the site of it, I laughed.
A cat was in the process of trying to adopt me. She kept coming around the house, sitting under my chair when I was reading in the sun, throwing herself at the window screen at night when she wanted in and lying on my pillow next to me when I slept (okay, at that point she clearly owned me.)
One night a neighbor had a bar-be-cue and apparently Splash, as another neighbor had named her, was on the invite list.
 |
| Splash who has since gone Over the Rainbow Bridge |
Miss you and love you Splash.Whiskey sends his love to you Over the Rainbow Bridge. He has never cuddled with another cat since you passed. You were his hero.
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