Whiskey and Boris Go to School

This morning was bitter sweet. On the one hand, I will have more freedom on a daily basis, there will be less mess in every room of the house and a quiet, I don’t recall ever hearing, will seep into the pores of my skin, but it’s lonely without the ruckus, the fighting and the constant me-me-me-MEOWs. Today, Boris and Whiskey had their first day of private school at Garfield Elementary for Refined Felines.

Being the elder of the two, Whiskey wore the traditional red with white-stripped robes signifying the blood and claws of Simba the mascot of this great learning establishment that was once attended by old Mr. Finicky himself, Morris, who started life as a shelter cat and went on to fame and fortune as the CEO (Cat Earth Overlord) of 9 Lives.  This year Whiskey is enrolled in Conversational Spanish for Los Gatos, Math--Preparing for Nine Lives, How to Meet and Treat People with Disdain, What Color is Your Parachute and Why You Should Shred It, and Geometry--How to take up the Entire Bed.

 Boris is in his first year at school and wears the playful checkerboard robes that have recently been worn by Grumpy Cat who was expelled for overall anti-social behavior. Boris tested very high and was placed into Listening to Humans is for Chumps level 4 where he will perfect his taunting directional ear move indicating he hears, but does not care. He will be with the rest of his age group during the History of Torturing Your Prey, Coloring with Muddy Paws in the Tub, and How to Ensure Your Human isn’t Dead When They are Sleeping.

Boris was a little teary-eyed when it was time to say goodbye this morning, but Whiskey took it in stride with dreams of the after-school snack embedded in his brain.

 Both boys will be involved in extracurricular activities as well. Whiskey is a member of the Promise Club where he will vow to abstain from jumping on counters, dragging his butt across carpets, assaulting treat bags or any other natural urges.

Boris is the first member of the family to join band. He is first chair of the Push That off the Shelf section and is excelling at Percussion for Window Blinds.

As Whiskey and Boris head off for another day in the trenches, they wish a very happy school year to all the humans out there.